i cried... 1st time after like a looonnngggg time...

Horrible things always happen to me..
it jus gets worst each time..
i must have been a nasty person to deserve this..
i gt awarded 5x extra duties in camp.
it was not even a big issue.
jus unlucky dat he was in a bad mood.
wadeva it is, can only suck thumb.
dat's wad nsf are taught to do.
NOTHING. there's nth u can do abt situations like dat except suck thumb.

anw, somehow i feel numb.
i mean so much bad things haf happen to me lately,
i dun even noe wad to react.
there's nth i can do anw.
jus wadeva. come and get me.
do wadeva u wan. i gave up fighting.

im so helpless and depress i dunno wad to do.
i wanna slp 4eva.

Im back in camp early as usual,
alone cos everyone in my bunk's out for courses.
there's jus so much stuff gg on in my head,
i cant even concentrate on one thing
it's like when i 'catch' one item and start to elaborate,
the rest of the stuff starts flowing to me.
it sucks..

there's jus too much stuff dat happened over the last couple of weeks.
it's like a series of events dat got worst and worst.
and there's like no ending...
before one thing ends, the enxt terrible stuff happen.
mayb im nt as strong as i thought i could be
i jus wished dat i could haf like a loonnggg break,
like spend some time alone to process everything.

i was kinda soo lost jus nw i actually thought of enrolling myself for counselling.
i needed someone to talk to,
nt like my fren doesnt care.
but they dun care enuff.
i mean mayb they dunno what to do.
or rather i always seems like the joker who doesnt need care and concern.
im jus nt getting the type of support i need currently.

wadeva it is, things will always find its ending..
i jus hope i could stay sober long enuff for it to end.
im exhausted.. like y do i always get myself into situations like dat..

When u r stressed over a long period of time,
the result: u fall sick!
yea, as usual i always noe tis is how it will end.
im sicked again... but cant help it. my lifestyle lately have been sucky
i mean i hate it, but it's like there's nth i can do.
guess it's jus something abt me dat ppl think they can take advantage of.
im the sort dat will wun rest when im tasked to do things.
i haf to make sure everything is right b4 i can relax.
and i cant relax. i mean, i haf to work. i cant stop.
i feel weird when im doing nth.
and i dunno how to reject ppl.
i jus suck. im being too nice. and i dunno y
guess being in the retail industry too long has 'tamed' me to become like dat.
wadeva it is, i jus cant wait to end my 2 yrs in army.

my social life haven been too gd either.
i realise i haven haf much social life lately..
i mean ppl ard me are slowly getting attached.
so yea, plus work commitments, we spend less time tgt
and dat sucks! i mean i wished we cud go back time.
it's hard to really find time for one another nw.
like the simple kind of catching up over dinner/lunch.
i jus wished i had the time and energy to do dat.
and i realised i am really getting old.
i mean like ya, most ppl will say 22 yrs old is still young.
but hello? 22 in my kind of world is like 30+++
ur youth is GONE. dude i can retreat back to my lair and rot.
i guess hanging out wif all the younger guys haf made me think tis way.
i mean it's cute to see them go thru wad we went thru last time.

i dun even noe wad im troubled over exactly.
it's like soooo much gg on, im confused myself.
i mean it's like a little bit over work, abit over age & abit over him.
but wadeva it is, i noe i will get thru it like i always do....

WOW, it's like like 5 mths since my last entry..

Yea, ever since i made it to my new unit. it's been pure busy... and yep, time does flies tis way.

I guess i mus haf been so used to tis workaholic life dat nw someone has stepped into my life,
i dunno how to handle it. it's like i wan it, but then im afraid i wun haf time to commit.
then again, there was a few misunderstandings dat popped up..
i hate tis kind of feeling.
i dun wanna be dragged into situations like dat.
i wanna make effort to end tis.
but he jus doesnt seem to care, or rather dunno how to act.

anw, i've seen a different light,
and i think it's time i stopped keeping a barrier in front of me.
stop being sooo guarded.
i shall slowly open up more.
i mean like who even cares right?

im sicked of so many things in life.
fucked it!

WOW, soo much have happened within this short period...
There's loads of memories worth remembering..
It's still hard to believe dat i actually survived 3 weeks in taiwan.
HAHA, it was tough, but i'm glad i made it.
It has never crossed my mind dat i can travel this far...
U noe, when i first OOT frm BMT, I thought dat's the end of me..
And then i got posted to unit as clerk,
had my fair share of good life, and then went back for recourse.
8mths ltr i am nw a 3SG....
I feel dat it's an achievement for myself cos i'm nt the sporty type,
nor am i physically strong..
Glad dat i managed to completed the course although it wasnt easy.

Jus got to noe my posting today...
My camp is FREAKING far frm home...
it's at changi... I'm depressed can...
and i was told they will be flying to brunei next month,
which i haf to go too...
Man, totally sian....

Hai.... alright, enuff talking...
I'm so depressed right nw...

Oh my Goodness!
Guys, u gotta watch this.
Kumar is sooooo talented la.
he open his mouth win alr. lol.
respect respect



Do check out part 1 & 3 if u have the time.

hello everyone!!! it's been soooo looonnngggg~~
yea, things' been hectic!!!
i entered SISPEC, and next week i will POP!!!
can u believe it?? 8 weeks has passed jus like dat! (*snap)
YEA YEA, i shall not go on to rattle abt how sucky the 7 weeks have been.
(but yea, it really SUCKS badly!!!)
but i am proud of myself, cos i made it through!!!
I mean it might nt be a huge deal to MANY,
but i feel like i've always been weak and unfit since young.
In case u guys dunno, i was asthmatic since a baby,
then throughout my pri sch, i was EXCUSED frm PE!!!
and then i started PE lessons only in Sec sch,
but other than dat, i did not do any kind of sports.
and i failed my ippt terribly when i enlisted, (like i only passed sit-up)
LOL, so i am satisfied wif my own performance till nw =D

We did out 28km route ytd on National DAY!!! (actually we marched like 30km i believed)
How meaningful?? The whole singapore is relaxing and we're marching hard!
It was quite an eye-opener i would say.
we started off at kranji war memorial.
i've heard of the place but nvr been there.
the place was beautiful.. it's soooo peaceful and i'm glad singapore delicate such a place for out war heroes.
i truely respect those who have given up their lives for singapore during world war II.
I mean many of them were sooo young. like 20+ only.
i cant imagine myself fighting a war at my age.
i'd be quite lost. i hope these heroes have found peace in their afterlife...

Anw, we march on to a random track and disappeared into some forested area.
we walked for like 6hrs inside the forested area.
i was like quite surprise dat these routes actually existed la!
it's like we actually haf so much landspace dat's nt utilised yet?
like WOW!!!!!!
And yea, after we walked back to my camp,
our parents were invited to join us to watch the LIVE telecast of NDP.
Cool right? and i got a NDP goodie bag! wahaha~ (*laughs in cheapo manner)




Yea, dat's me... COOL?

Anw, i received a fwd mail jus nw,
warning nt to go siloso beach...
it's pretty creepy and i kinda gt freaked out.
there's tis girl who went to the beach with her mum,
and when she returned, she got like 2 sets of handprints on her back.
it's like tan lines la...
then she went to the temple to pray,
and the ppl told her a child ghost tried to push her into the sea but failed.
so the mother tried to push her again,
but both failed cos the god the family was praying at home potected her.
they even showed a few pictures la.
i dunno how true, but ya noe, there were a couple of drowning incidents...
and a couple were actually PRO swimmers...
here's a pic:


AHHHH!!!!!! FREAKY RIGHT>???

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ALRIGHT, let's divert our attention away.
U noe, i always felt like i'm such a natural at being gag.
i shld look into dat area for my future job prospect.
mayb i can use dat for a backup plan or part-time to earn more money.
LOL. anybody got lobang to intro???

LOL, dear yoges introduced me to some youtube videos and it's FREAKIN funny!!! check tis out.



U might will check out madtv: lets be honest.

Alright, i'm not suppose to blog abt tis, but i cant help it.
so imma try to do it as low profile as possible.
We had our CO dialogue last week,
it's a kind of dialogue where all the trainees gathered to have a chatting session with the CO.
More like a time for trainees to raise any questions to the CO.
and also express any form of unhappiness la.

So there was tis asshole who was made to recourse because he missed an activity previously.
and yep, he sure was really upset abt it. cos he had to wait 3 mths to recourse.
(well, hello? i waited 6 mths to recourse!!!)
he missed a major event of the course, so he couldnt pass it.
he spoke to his incharge, but apparently nth cud be done abt it,
so he took tis opportunity to speak to the HIGHER chain of command.
and apparently, he did not do it too well.
he was rather rude when he question the BIG guy.
he made it sound like the big guy OWNed him the whole world.
cmon, get over it. it's jus 3 mths! u get to slack, and u still get paid.
stop acting like a pussy. his attitude was obviously wrong,
and if it was me, i would dropped him frm the course right nw,
cos he had an attitude prob.
in the first he chosed to report sick, missed the actitivity, then whine abt it.
alright let's jus say he was really sick,
he have to understand to reorganise dat activity again,
it takes lots of manpower, time and resources.
the way he phrased it, it was like u guys could haf organise it for me,
then i wun haf to waste 3 mths waitin, doing nth.
totally childish and self-centered.

Then the CO was quite taken aback, and he said he would investigate
and see if they really made him DO NTH for the 3 mths.
then my fren and i was thinking,
man it's gonna create some trouble for his incharge...
then a thought came to me... i was like OH I NOE Y!!!

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Ok, i've decided nt to blog it... ask me for it if u wan!
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